Sunday, September 02, 2012

What to tell Jehovah's Witnesses

"I'm Jewish, my ancestors killed Jesus. And we'd do it again in a heartbeat."

"Not now. I just rented Batman."

"I'd love to talk to you, but my beer is getting cold."

"Everlasting life? Why the fuck would anyone want that?"

"There are no public restrooms here, sorry."

"Nice shoes. Did you make those in prison?"

"I thought the PeeWee Herman Convention ended last weekend."

"Love the outfits. Where did you park the DeLorean?"

"Wait. Pat Boone is not dead, is he?"

"In the old country, where I come from, 'Watchtower' rhymes with 'toilet paper.'"

"Hey thanks, man. I love comic books."

"It's not Halloween. You know that, right?"

"Can't help you. The National Alliance on Mental Illness moved out of this building a month ago."

"If you're looking for the titty bar, it's one block down."

"Sorry, I don't have any spare change. Plus I know you'll just buy wine with it."

"Don't you Amway people know when to stop?"

"Sorry, but no, I won't allow a new episode of Jackass to be filmed on my property."

"I thought there was supposed to be a third Stooge?"

"Good, can you wait while I make a quick phone call? Your illegitimate uncle was here looking for you an hour ago."

"I didn't realize the New Republicans were still in existence."

"I don't suppose you can get L. Ron Hubbard's autograph for me?"

"Wait. Didn't all you guys commit suicide in Guyana?"

"Aren't you a little old to be selling Girl Scout cookies? What the fuck, dudes."

"That purse you have there? It's probably worth something on eBay. Just sayin'."

"Don't go next door. The guy fucking hates Mormons."

"Hey, man. Give Mitt my regards."


  1. Anonymous3:57 PM

    Probably wouldn't be quite so funny if you chose a mainstream religion. Minorities are always hilarious. And safe.

  2. True. Always safer to piss off part of the human race rather than the whole human race. No argument there.

    1. Better to offer criticism anonymously. Hilarious. And safe.

      I would post this anonymously for the irony, but would rather not.

  3. Seriously,

    The founder of Jehovah's Witnesses Charles T. Russell was deep into the pagan and spooky occult pyramidology.
    This was part of his apocalyptic algorithm to arrive at the date of October 6 1914 for Jesus *invisible* second coming.
    Charles Russell burial marker is a huge freaky pagan pyramid.
    Google images-Charles Russell burial pyramid.
    A conservative estimate of the deaths of Jehovahs Witnesses since the blood transfusion ban went into effect 1945 is 50,000 dead,men,women,CHILDREN.May be as high as 150,000.
    Lower figure is 50 times more than died at Jones Town kool-aid mass murder.
    The Jehovah Witnesses blood transfusion ban is deadly!
    The Watchtower organization can not be "the truth" as Jehovah's Witnesses call it, because "no lie originates with the truth." (1 John 2:21 NW)

    --Danny Haszard FMI dannyhaszard(dot)com (cool stuff on JW)

  4. I love it. The J.W's, as we've come to call them stop by monthly. We have a speaker system with outside our door because we live in a 3 story townhouse. Last time the visited my husband told them. Oh, you just missed Satan, we already pledged to him. LOL!

  5. I thought this post was very funny.

    But I’m not laughing at the content, I’m laughing at you. I find people who make fun of religious minorities funny.

    I find it very funny, ludicrous even, that someone who is clearly so intelligent, empathetic and caring towards others can harbor such a small minded bigotry within them. But as funny as it is, it is also very disappointing.


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