Thursday, December 19, 2013

A Scene from B.A.T.T.Y.

Yesterday I showed how I handled the problem of noise description in a scene from a comedic novella (code name B.A.T.T.Y.) I'm working on. I thought today I'd present the entire scene (free book sample!) along with an explanation of what the scene does and why it's constructed the way it is.

I wanted to accomplish a number of goals with this scene. The main character, Tyler Schremp, has been talked into having a quick drink at Joy Joy (a fictional restaurant/bar in Palo Alto) on the way home from work. Schremp has group therapy at seven, so the drink has to be a quickie. Both Schremp and his buddy Matt Dixon are young engineers working for a hot toy-company startup in Silicon Valley (called HoityToyty). They have a love-hate relationship with their jobs. They love creating high-tech toys, but their boss (an insufferable ass) has them working on such idiotic projects as a scent-emitting unicorn doll (Fresh Scent Cornelia). You put Glade scent-packs in the unicorn's ass, and then, assuming the batteries are fully charged, the doll spurts air freshener (in microprocessor-controlled bursts) out its anus all day.

The goals for the scene are:
  • Show that Schremp and Dixon are best buds of long standing. Male bonding.
  • Show their dissatisfaction with work, their eagerness to go into business for themselves.
  • Have them talk about Schremp's main problem, which (at the moment) is how to reconnect with the beautiful and mysterious puppet-toting redhead he met a few nights ago.
  • Do all this in a lighthearted way.
The entire scene is a segue from an office scene to a group-therapy scene. It has to cap off a lousy day at the office while paving the way for group therapy. (The redhead will show up at group therapy.) Here's the whole scene:
     The crescendo of cacophony at Joy Joy hadn't yet reached full-on Happy Hour earbleed level, but the din was prodigious -- so much so that Dixon had to go back out the front door to the sidewalk to check his voicemail while Schremp, securing the last empty stools at the bar, fetched two tall glasses of Buttface Amber (one of the featured microbrews-of-the-day) from the red-suspendered, all too jolly bartender-du-jour.
     As Dixon finally shuffled back inside, tucking his iPhone in his pocket, Schremp asked: "Anything important?"
     Dixon, accepting a beer from Schremp: "Hitler called, he wants his youth back. Other than that --"
     Schremp raised his glass, said a "Heil Mary," and took a sip. Dixon did likewise.
     Dixon: "What about you,? Any word from --"
     "Not a peep. Beginning to think I popped the clutch." Schremp licked foam off his upper lip and looked in vain for a coaster on which to see his beer, finding, instead, only a soggy cocktail napkin. "You know, maybe I just --"
     "I wouldn't worry about it," Dixon said, with a dismissive flip of the hand. "It's only been, what, a week?"
     "Yeah. Not even." Schremp was having to speak loudly now, to be heard over the background noise.
     "But you called her, right?"
     Schremp nodded as he drank. "I don't feel right leaving, you know, a hundred messages or something, though. Don't want to come across as a stalker . . ."
     "How many times have you called her?"
     "Twice. Plus one text message."
     "Pffah. Dude. That's not stalking. Take it from someone who knows." Dixon held his glass up and admired the three concentric rings of foam in the empty upper third. "Look, chug lines . . ."
     Schremp sighted across the chug lines and down the crowded bar, taking in the pot-luck assortment of helter-skelter hairdos, the predominantly northern European profiles (punctuated by the occasional soft/rounded Oriental face), checking, meanwhile, for redheads with puppets, drooping parallel e-cigs, some hint of a chocolate-suede Sole Society ankle boot. But alas, no joy, as the fighter jocks say.
     "I mean, sometimes I think maybe I am a bit obsessed with her, in a way," Schremp said, fiddling with his glass. "I keep replaying that night over and over in my mind . . . The flashbacks are on a tape loop sometimes, like when you can't get a song out of your head?"
     Dixon nodded. "Earworm. Very dangerous. One time I got Devo stuck in my head for two days . . ."
     "That happened to me with Bryan Ferry's 'Boys and Girls.'"
     "Don't know that one."
     "Well, do NOT listen to it, my friend. Understand? You'll go insane . . ."
     "Like that movie -- what's it called? -- where there's this videotape, and if you watch it, you'll die seven days later."
     Schremp nodded before making concentric Chug Line No. 7 in his glass. "The Ring. That's exactly it, that's what's happening to me. And it's been almost seven days . . ."
     "Yeah, but you're not going to die just because Marcy didn't call you back."
     "Molly. Not Marcy."
     "What's that? I can't hear you . . ."
     Joy Joy was fast approaching the Fire Marshall's room-capacity limit (or so Schremp supposed), the place packed now with clamorous roisterers intent on pushing the decibel envelope beyond airline baggage-handler recommended maximums. Cocktail glasses (three in a waitress's hands at once) clinked and clacked, cash register slamming shut as someone's stool-leg stuttered across the floor nearby ("What can I getcha?"), burly guffaws competing with soprano laughter, a sudden swoosh of street noise as fresh celebrants burst through the main entry door, wine cork's thoppp! providing a grace-note to a distant woman's rising arpeggio of giggles -- the thrum of a vox humana orchestra tuning up.
     Schremp swirled the remaining two ounces of beer in his glass. He scanned the crowd, eyes finally falling on Dixon. At the first lull in the background noise he said: "We could fix the noise problem, you know."
     "Yeah, we could go outside . . ."
     "No, I mean we could fix it. With technology."
     Dixon was game. "Go on."
     "An array of microphones in that wall over there" -- Schremp motioned with his head -- "and an array of speakers in this wall over here. Right? Invert the signal, drive the anti-noise through the speakers, time it so the noise gets canceled for these people right over here . . ."
     Dixon mused on it, nodding, far-away stare, feigning comprehension. "Interesting idea..."
     "See, if you have enough microphones, you can triangulate the origin of any individual sound in this room . . . or all of the various sounds --"
     Dixon's brows unfurled, an Aha moment slowly washing across his face.
     "-- and likewise, with an array of speakers, you can focus calibrated anti-noise on any location in the room . . ."
     "Barroom active noise suppression. BANS."
    Dixon slapped the side of Schremp's shoulder. "Freakin' brilliant. Dude, you're a genius, you know that?"
     The two clinked glasses and then knocked back the rest of their beers.
     Dixon grabbed a half-soaked cocktail napkin from the bar and used it to wipe his mouth. "This," he said, "is exactly the kind of stuff we ought to be working on. Instead of unicorns with April-fresh anal glands."
     Schremp nodded, half-smiling. "Yep. It's just about that time."
     Dixon glanced at his watch. "Group therapy?"
     "No. I mean, yeah, that too. But what I meant was, it's just about time . . . for us to turn the page. You know? Put HoityToyty behind us."
     Dixon smiled. "Ordinarily, the last thing I want to put behind me is a herd of unicorns. But in this case, my man, you're absolutely right. I'm with you. All the way."


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. great post thanks for sharing this wonderful post

  3. very nice information ,this post is very useful

  4. Full Information For A Scene

  5. This Article is very nice and very helpful

  6. Nice This Post IS Really Good

  7. Nice ,That Really Good and helpful to every buddy

  8. Great information aboutBATTY.helpful to every people

  9. Nice Really good this information very useful to every buddy

  10. Nice Information about batty ,Thanks myfordbenefits

  11. useful post for me very helpful,jcpenney associate

  12. myaflac very nice informaion for this article

  13. Nice Information about this post and very helpful to me .
    Related article
    lite blue login
    panda express survey

  14. Thanks,useful to me. also read about tagged signup and full info

  15. Nice article!! Writer has done a very good job!

  16. This article is all about the details and solutions related to and how you can do the Myaarpmedicare Login.

  17. In this article we are going to get all the possible information about the www myaarpmedicare com. If you are looking to know more about the My AARP Medicare login

  18. Such A Big Thanks.And Your article is very useful to me and my Team.You also Read Mcdvoice con

  19. If you want to make a login into yourtopproducer8i login

  20. Thanks,
    very helpfull information.


  21. Nice and informative post.
    ipl live streaming

  22. Best Article.Very Helpful
    If You Want To know About McDonalds customer survey

  23. such A Big Thanks Your Information very powerfull
    You Also Read IPL Most Run Player List

  24. Thanks Such Good Information
    Paying the ticket fines is now easy with NJMCdirect pay

  25. There is some good information step by step about and buy one that you likes.

  26. Download VAVOO APK latest version for Android and Windows.

  27. Anonymous3:06 AM

    Velocity Trim Therefore, you should keep a healthy ratio of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, while reducing either the fat or carbohydrate consumption. Well I decided I had enough one day when I had to go to a bigger section in the clothes store. You see many different kinds of diets, jokes and equipment that will claim losing fat in days without doing anything. And fairly soon they just have a big pile of shit. This fat-burning exercise helps a good deal in this circumstance.

  28. Anonymous5:06 AM

    Keto Fire Diet The kind of Weight Loss you need entirely depends on your preference. I conceptualized it was a clever read. Your Weight Loss may vary.

  29. Storyboard of a scene never shot for BLADE RUNNER that intro's Roy Batty Off-World rising from a pile of bodies.

    watch here 2019 PSN gift cards no survey & Vidmate

  30. grateful for your blog post. You will find a lot of approaches after visiting
    your post. Great work.

    math puzzles

  31. You can also check out this so that you can understand lots of information related to Myaarpmedicare login

  32. i like ur blog post...thnks for important information.
    visit website- envious shoes

  33. Thanks for sharing such information I have read your content and feel so much useful.
    I have shared your content with my friends. we have full information about

  34. If you are a student of engineering dissertation help then you must need to complete your dissertation task. Our writing service gives you help to finish your work effectively, we work 24*7 for your convenience.

  35. If you are looking for best thesis editing and proofreading services provider in Singapore then you must get in touch with Singapore experts team. Translation services Singapore is the most genuine translation services provider in Singapore and across the globe. We offer a specialize thesis editing services for scholar and post graduate students.

  36. Hire writers of Ireland Assignment Help to write assignments at a reasonable price. We have 3000+ high qualified and expert writers who are providing assistance through coursework help. Our expert writers are available online 24x7.

  37. iCloud Login Sign in: we Guide you Create Account. Easy Steps to Backup Your Storage in icloud drive & iCloud Download on your iOS Devices, mac.

  38. kik for pc download for free! Get Kik for Windows 7/8.1/10 and enjoy the app! Social messaging has become a trend these days

  39. login : how to login to Hotmail, Outlook, MSN, Live, Email.on the web, desktop, mobile & apps. Sign up for a Hotmail Account and sign in

  40. Apply for Australia Visa in Singapore with IVC services - Best Australian Visa Agent in Singapore. Fast process for Australia ETA, Medical Visa, Business Visa Tourist Visa Etc.

    Australia visa Singapore

  41. I really like your post. Thanks for sharing. It is such a very amazing post...
    Online matka play | Matka play | Play matka

  42. Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! This is my first comment here, so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading your articles
    motivational quotes good morning

  43. I really like your post. Thanks for sharing. It is such a very amazing post...
    ranthambore hotels | ranthambore resorts | hotel in ranthambore

  44. It's really amazing blog postt. i never expect that today i read like this thanks fro sharing. such a nice post. thanks a lot..
    real estate attorney | real estate lawyer near me | property attorney near me

  45. Top 10 Lists – One Place To Find Best Information In Form Of Top 10, It Also Includes Good Knowledge Information And You Can Download Pc Games Too.
    Top 10 Lists
    Social Bookmarking Sites List
    Rabbit Alternatives
    Image Submission Sites
    Video Submission Sites

  46. Business coursework writing services are essential for business assignment writing services and Business Essay Writing Services seekers.

  47. I really like your post. Thanks for sharing Hindi numbers


  49. I really love your article and thanks for sharing these resources.

  50. I really love your article and thanks for sharing these resources.
    Best 27 Inch PC Monitor

  51. MyFordBenefits is one of the most popular websites that are accessed by Ford employees on a regular basis.

  52. Excellent Blog! I would like to thank for the efforts you have made in writing this post.
    Assignment Writing Help

  53. Be careful! Limitless Entertainment ahead! In case you are not the TV show buff sort of fellow or young lady then you mustn't go through this post as the equivalent has been composed with a point of giving endless dosages of amusement by opening admittance to TV channels and shows from everywhere the globe. We are discussing 'TVTap' application here, TVTap Mod APK which, inside a brief timeframe, has, easily, won the hearts of millions and accumulated an enormous client base for itself.


Add a comment. Registration required because trolls.